It’s Monday. My brain is full of mush today, and I can’t string together a complete thought much less a complete blog post. So in honor of my favorite word processing edit button – the BULLET button – I will give you a scattered list today. There is always something or someone or many someones who get on my damn nerves for some reason or another. This is my top ten for today.
- Grown women who wear a SIZE ZERO. Zero. Really? You aren’t a Size Zero, my precious skinny-ass friend. You wear a little girls’ size 6x with long legs. Size Zero should be immediately abolished by all designers and manufacturers. You should be forced to wear children’s clothes until you consume enough pizza and beer to wear a number.
- Grown women with freakishly long fingernails. I suspect that long nails are a physical infirmity and you draw a disability check. How do you dress yourself? Change your child’s diaper? Wipe?? Nevermind. I don’t want to know.
- People who claim to have lost twenty pounds by simply eliminating cream and sugar from their coffee. Liars.
- People who text and drive. You are just plain stupid. I would call *HP on you but I saw two cops texting and driving last week. Watch this video and wise up!
- People who are perky when they wake up. Except little kids. It’s cute when they do it. You? Not so much.
- Crooked politicians. Unfortunately for us, that title includes most of them because of the way White House/lobbyist politics works. Past time for some reform on The Hill.
- Camel toe. As a rule, I don’t notice your crotch first, but camel toe draws my eyes in a like a magnet. Go put on a skirt. You’ll be more comfortable, and I won’t have to stare at your labia.
- Any professional email or publication with typos. Use “spell check”, stupid.
- Cops who give me a traffic ticket instead of a warning. Mr. Copper, you know who you are for charging me with “Improper Lane Use”. Why not a warning? I even had on makeup and everything.
- Dogs in public places. Yes, your big-ass, slobbering best friend is just lovely. No, I don’t want to pet him or talk to him. Your dog is not welcome at festivals downtown. (You can thank me later, folks from “Fall for Greenville.”) Go home and eat microwave popcorn and watch Lifetime movies with your little friend.
Enjoy your Monday. Maybe I’ll get enough sleep tonight or caffeine in the morning to write a real post!