Can you believe we actually have a “holiday” dedicated to being a complete fuck up? And can you believe I missed it? Figures. My first big mistake yesterday in honor of National Mistake Day was not celebrating it.
I’m not sure if the fine folks at Hallmark (the people who brought you Grandparents Day) or the idiots in Congress are responsible for National Mistake Day. It probably isn’t Congress because I suspect they would be reluctant to use the word “mistake”. It implies some sense of responsibility and accountability, and most of those
career politicians thieves lack both.
I suppose it could be the big card companies, but I haven’t seen any cards yet. What would they say?
“Sorry I said your butt looked fat in those pants, Boss.”
“Bob, Forgive me for panting ‘I Love You, Bill’ last night”
“I can’t believe I trusted your gossiping whore self with my life secrets.”
Probably not going to be top sellers. And what would they put on the little category tab “Fuck Up”?
All this talk of mistakes has me thinking I should be transparent and share some of my own mistakes. Little “mistakes” like:
- Every single thing I did between ages 17-18
- Dropping out of college
- Marrying a shmuck at age 21
- Staying married to said shmuck until my ovaries dried up like prunes
I don’t think I should continue down this line of thinking on a melancholy autumn Sunday or I’ll be knee deep in the Chardonnay before noon.
I’ll just share my mundane, day-to-day “I’m a suckass mother and wife” mistakes from this week. No doubt you’ll feel better about your own life when I’m done.
Mistake #1 – Decided to put the Roomba to use cleaning the kitchen floor. Forgot to take up the cat food and water. Came home to a “mud” puddle of dirt, crumbs and wet cat hair. Roomba is no longer functioning.
Mistake #2 – Locked the cat up in the house while we went to the beach for a long weekend. Returned home to find that kitty had created a new litter box for himself in the corner of the playroom on a pile of Barbie clothes.
Mistake #3 – Allowing my little Mermaid to apply her own sunscreen at the beach. Painful sunburn, many tears and a peeling back later she now agrees that I should be in charge of sunscreen.
Hope it’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon wherever you are!