Like any normal, sane Stay-at-Home-Mom, I try to steal a couple of minutes of adult conversation whenever and wherever I can. The Princess is on the couch playing DS/watching iCarly and is successfully, if momentarily, engaged enough that Prince Charming and I can talk to five minutes without being interrupted. Around here, we call this a MIRACLE. Just kidding. We call it “PUHLEEZE be quiet so I can finish a freaking sentence!” time, and five minutes is pretty much the outside limit. It generally requires a little bit of SCREAMING from me, threats of no candy, and/or “The Look”. You know “The Look” I’m talking about. It’s the one your mother gave you when you were whining in the grocery store, or begging for
yet another useless piece of shit a toy, or throwing hissy fits, or slamming doors…I guess I got that “Look” a lot….
Prince Charming just got home from a hot, sweaty hard day and stinks so, being as it’s still my five minutes of adult conversation, I follow him to the bathroom where I perch myself on the counter and we continue our chat while he is in the shower.
[Stage left. Enter curious and bored six year old daughter just as grown man emerges naked from shower.]
He: “Child! A little PRIVACY please!” [Attempts to close door]
She: “No fair! WHHHHYYY does MOM get to stay? [This should be said/whined through the nose with as many syllables as possible.]
~~I must note that there are NO good answers to any questions that are WHINED at me so I slither off the counter and attempt to placate the Princess at this point. However, Prince Charming is all about answering her. Let’s continue, shall we?~~
He: “Because she’s my WIFE.”
She [addressing Him]: “Well. Fine. Then.”
She [addressing Me]: “Mom, when I get married, will I get to see my husband’s penis?”
Gives a whole new meaning to “Penis Envy”, eh?